And Found feeling
by Aviolin
Summary: little extra scene to episode. Sun and Kate are talking about Kates relationship problems when Sun shows the bottle to her. Lots of girly talk and SKate!


Title: ...And Found feelings

Rating: PG

Summary: at episode ...And Found Sun and Kate had that tiny conversation (ok, just few lines) about Kate and Sawyer so I wrote a little story what is more what i think should've happen then. Much of SKate without Sawyer beeing there. How sad. And Sun is a SKater!

Disclaimer: I dont own anything but if someone wants to send Sawyer to me I accept!

"We… I didn't say goodbyes" Kate sighs. She can almost feel how air around her is squeezing her lungs to useless tiny little soft things. She can remember him so vividly at fire, shadows dancing around him.

"Sawyer?" Sun asks. Something I wrong with Kate who hears her friend's voice like it comes from someplace deep under ground.

"Yeah. Sawyer. Who else it could be?" she whispers. Part of her hopes that Sun doesn't hear her and pass the conversation to Jin or anyone else except him. Oh how bittersweet his name tastes at her mouth. Sweetness from waterfall where he acted like little boy tickling her under the surface and bitterness from bloody kiss, many furious words and cursing.

Sun watches her. She has deep sorrow at green eyes and she looks unhappy. And emotional. There are shadows under her eyes like she hasn't slept after raft launch. It's the first time Sun even thinks that maybe Kate hasn't slept at these four days. Maybe she has been up like her, staring to campfire, feeling loneliness like huge purring monster at your chest.

"Then there are two of us. We regret that we didn't say words we wanted and just hope best" she whispers. For Moment Kate doesn't say anything. She feels how Suns words sink trough her shell.

"I have these nightmares. Of him. He dies or gets hurt in every one of them. I don't even know why I even bother to feel this unhappy. After all he said to me that there is nothing on this island to stay for" Kate answers staring straight to her toes.

"You know that Jin left because he loved me too much to be around me anymore after what he did" Sun says.

"That doesn't even make any sense" Kate answers trying not to let false hope enough space to grow.

"It doesn't, I know. But they are men. Who would never understand them?" Sun says.

Kate must chuckle a little. Sun is right like she always is. Who really could understand men? Especially men like Sawyer. Well there is only one man like Sawyer and that's he himself. No one can be as complicated as he can.

"It's not the same with me Sun. Jin loves you, you guys are married. We just end up fighting every time we really try to talk. I can't be near him because he makes me feel anxious and I… he makes me tell the truth about me when I don't want to. But when he's not here like now I just feel tired. Empty. Like I've lost my leg or something. It's so damn complicated!" she tells.

"Kate that makes sense more than anything Jin can say" Suns says smiling.

"It does? Well not to me" Kate answers frustrated.

"The pain. It's because you are not ready for him yet. You are not ready for yourself. Around him you and your not so nice past collide. You see again your own mistakes and he forces you to be _Kate _again. It feels bad; you feel like you can't breathe, you're angry as hell. But when he's not near you pretend to be Kate which really doesn't make you feel better" Sun analyzes.

Kate is silent for a long time. It all makes sense when Suns says it at that way. But it doesn't make her sure about thing. How could she be? Right now she is so messed up inside that she doesn't know is it right to love him or hate. She's not sure about anything which connects him at some level. And then there is Jack!

"I don't really know Sun. What about Jack? I feel good around him…" she says in asking tone.

"…As long he doesn't ask anything about you past" Sun ends. Kate can't stop staring at her toes.

"Well yeah… When he says something about my past I freak out because I know that he hats the past-me. Hell, past-me is everything he was raised to hate. That kind of shadows our little nice relationship"

"But he loves this nowadays-Kate. It's your decision. Pick a man who gives you a fairytale…"

"Sun. Love is not a fairytale" she interrupts but Sun continues like nothing has happened.

"… Or a man who loves you as you are"

Kate sighs and finally looks to her friend who has this really Sunlike serious look in her eyes.

"Sun… tell me how I know when I'm ready to face myself. When I'm ready for not to be pretending this one which I am doing right now?" she asks. She is surprised about how begging her voice can be. But this is just those questions she wants - no needs - an answer.

"Soon Kate if you're already feeling that way" Sun says picking a diamond wedding ring from sand.

"Because you are already missing Sawyer like you would miss your leg. It might sound little stupid right now but think about it. You miss them at same reason. Your leg makes you free to go. Sawyer makes you free to be"


End file.
